I started planning a deep and moving talk about the lessons learned from dad about showing integrity and courage in adversity. I wondered what he would say about such a talk and I could hear dad's voice, clear as a bell, saying one of his favorite words. I'm sure you know the one just as I'm sure you've heard him say it in exactly the same tone. The word begins with "horse" and ends in four letters. It is usually accompanied by a gesture.

You know what? He's right.

For dad, courage and integrity are not something to show when the time is right. You either have them or you don't. Dad always assumed you had, until you proved otherwise. God help you if you did - you'd learn some other interesting words from him.

Instead, what dad thought you could show was irreverence and humor in bad situations. I have two examples.

When we were young, we took a family vacation to Wellfleet on Cape Cod. The last days of these trips were bittersweet - trying to cram in as much fun as possible before returning to the "real world". So we were distraught to have a hurricane during the last two days of our trip. Now, usually, hurricanes are thought to be bad things. They rearrange the shrubbery, get things damp, and generally make people grumpy.
But not dad. His response: "Let's go to the beach!" Now, I can see all you parents cringing - this lunatic took his family to the beach in a hurricane. But you're missing the best part. He took us to the beach in a hurricane wearing garbage bags. Really. Hefty's finest olive green lawn and leaf bags. With little head and arm holes cut out, like polystyrene ponchos. Picture this - the learned professor of neurology, his elegant artist wife and their adorable (or, at least, loud) progeny all tramping through one of the trendiest resorts this side of the garden of eden in the midst of a raging tempest, wearing nothing but flip-flops, bathing suits and refuse containers. We learned some things that day. First, and most important, don't trust dad for fashion advice. Second, the ocean in a storm is a gorgeous shade of gray. Third, blown sand stings a little, and fourth, you can form amazing memories from a little wind, some plastic, and people that you love. That was one of my best days ever.

My second example comes from a grimmer time. In 1994, dad was very sick, lost a lot of weight, became very weak, and had heart problems necessitating a triple bypass. Because of his weakness, the hospital would not do the bypass for several months, waiting for him to get stronger. We brought him home from the hospital to convalesce. This was a frightening time for all of us - his health was uncertain, the future cloudy. The day after we got him home, he called me into his room and handed me a camera. He wanted some pictures. When I pointed the camera at him, he got a goofy grin on his face, told me to wait, and started stripping down. I discovered that he had dug out the rattiest, loosest, sorriest pair of underwear he could find. He looked at me and said "Do you like my little pantaloons?" He also said that he wanted some shots of his svelte new figure and if I didn't take them, he'd go wandering around the streets until he found some nice policeman to do it for him. This, of course, was said with a wicked smile. I took the pictures.

I found those pictures the other day and despite the current situation, his gaunt appearance in the photos, and the fearful memories of that time, I laughed. He somehow turned, at least a little, a terrible memory into a treasured one.

I guess there is a deep lesson here after all. It's not enough to have courage and integrity. You also have to try to enjoy life no matter what the situation. You have to find joy where you can. And there is always joy to be found.

I discovered that we, his family, have learned this lesson well. During the terrible days of this past week, we had to plan this very ceremony. This was a grim, difficult and sad task. And you have no idea how close you came to having a troupe of mimes here, accompanied by clowns. Dad would have liked that.

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